Use or Be Used

On November the 1st a slew of statuses, tweets, and captions announced absences for the month. Citing the election, holidays, exhaustion—or preventing it—were mentioned; some mentioned nothing in particular, just hanging out a “Gone fishing” sign for the month of November.

Well, here we are on November 30, and I kinda wish I’d moved my annual January off the Sosh-Meeds to this month too. The election was [is?] one thing, but this past week clinched it. Before we’d even passed the turkey (or roast chicken in our case), the Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday sales were aflurry. I couldn’t scroll one inch without being sold to by Amazon or shamed for buying at Amazon.

A few months ago Netflix released their documentary The Social Dilemma, and I think you should watch it. I so rarely say that about anything that I hope you’ll believe me. One of the things I appreciated about the documentary was, in spite of all the red flags, whistleblowing, and dopamine drops, they didn’t say to get off social media. Instead they said to use it better. I am a big fan of moderation in all things (Andy Crouch’s Tech-Wise Family), so this appeals to me. Then how do I, I asked the documentary, use it better?

One of their suggestions was to not click on any of the algorithmic suggestions. If you’re on YouTube, don’t click on the videos telling you “You might be interested in,” don’t take the bait on Instagram’s, “You might also know,” don’t, under any circumstances, click on the ads on Facebook. (I know, I know, people make their living sharing stuff on social media. Of course I know—says vocational writer and author who draws potential readers in by posting stuff on social media.). Basically, the doc says, use social media or it will use you.

We all know this, right? This isn’t a surprise to any of us right?

This morning a friend and I were talking and I mentioned I’m taking this suggested step one step further.

Here’s my example: if I follow one crunchy granola mama on Instagram who eschews vaccines, only eats organic, talks about gut issues, and sticking it to the man, that’s okay. But if crunchy mama suggests “If you like following me, you’ll love following my ten other friends!” we are no longer talking about computer algorithms, but human ones. If I follow even three of her suggestions, and those three make ten more suggestions each, pretty soon, I will have found myself in a comfy, crunchy mama cocoon. My adventure into this echo chamber will have felt easy, seamless, and obvious. I will begin to think “Why doesn’t everyone believe like these mamas? They’re so smart and pretty and their kids wear only organic neutrals and their kitchens are so clean and they care so much about XYZ and they always (air quotes) do their research (end air quotes).” I can begin very quickly to think the whole world looks like, or should look like, this. Carry this illustration over to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest, and whatever other icons you click often on your smart phone. You will live in the most beautiful (to you) valley every created, surrounded on all sides by mountains and cliffs that echo back your filtered truths to you endlessly .

And you will have “othered” your neighbor. You will begin to think, “How could they possibly believe that? Think that? Do that? Can’t they see what’s staring them in the face?! Are they insane?” The answer is no, and probably, likely, they are standing in another valley of their own making that’s just slightly different than yours. Like, maybe instead of starting with a crunchy granola mama, they started with an Army veteran, or a single mother, or a questioning teen, or a celebrity pastor, or a doubting Christian, or ______________. By letting their social media use them, they tunneled their way right into an echo chamber.

I think what I’m saying is obvious and we all do it to some degree. Of course we do! We all have innocent interests (I like organic farming practices and ethical food sourcing and caring for local economy—which is going to draw me to people talking about these things). We all need and want community. We weren’t made to be alone, and especially in a year like this one, we’re going to try to find similarities wherever we can. The people who design[ed] social media understand human psychology, they understand our biochemistry and what delights us, scares us, and will keep us coming back. We’re the only ones who will be able to reverse the existence of echo chambers in our own lives. No one else. If we don’t do it, and don’t become aware that we’re all doing it, and regularly trim who we follow on social media (and in life) to a pluralism of ideas and walks of life—meaning we have to disagree with some of them, we are part of the problem.

A year ago I saw I’d created an echo chamber for myself on Twitter. I knew I had to be absolutely aggressive in reframing how I used the tool because it had begun to entirely use me. I unfollowed every single person without exception. A few weeks later, I followed ten people from different perspectives. A few weeks after that, another ten. And so on. I’m up to about 70 now and that seems like a sweet spot for me. I can’t manage more than that. I stopped having “conversations” on Twitter. I started using it like a tool and that’s it. I follow people I completely agree with and others I completely disagree with. I did something similar on Instagram. I’ve been “unfollowing” people on Facebook for a few years now, only keeping the people I know face to face, in flesh and blood, visible on my newsfeed. I am working hard to not cultivate echo chambers for myself in these spaces because I know 1. No one else will do it for me. 2. These algorithms specifically work against me in doing this. 3. I am a human who is prone to confirmation bias.

My friends who took this month off had the right idea and I wish now I’d taken November off too, but it’s not the right idea for everyone. Some people get off and then get right back on to their echo chambers or get off and get right back on to bad habits. It’s a discipline to say, “I’m going to use this tool differently and then do it.” For me, it starts with almost exclusively not clicking on anything suggested to me by computers and not following most things suggested to me by humans. If I see a bunch of people suggesting to read a piece, I’ll read it. If I see a bunch of people suggesting a new writer, I’ll check her out. If I see a bunch of folks suggesting a book, I’ll buy it. But I’m much more careful about the one and done suggestion. I hope that makes sense. And I hope that helps you in your journey to use social media instead of letting it use you, too.

Breaks are good, self-control and discipline is better.