Seven Ways We Fail and Get Back Up Again

The first time the word sin is mentioned in Scripture is not at the moment when sin entered the world, but the moment before the fracturing of two brothers, Cain and Abel. After Cain brought his offering to the Lord (which, for whatever reason known to them and not clearly to us, displeased the Lord), the Lord said, "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it” (Genesis 4).

That phrase, "Its desire is contrary for you," has always stuck to me like an autumn burr on a wool sweater.

There are so many things in our lives pressing us back, crouching at our doors, slinking in unforeseen gaps and spaces, taking up room, both invited and uninvited. Sin is not a passive agent, but if we are passive, it can rule over us. There are so many areas in my life where I am the passive agent regarding sin. I say something smartly but intended to get my point across: sin. I leave something unfinished in hopes someone else will notice and do it: sin. I cite needs and desires as my primary motivator: sin. I avoid dealing with my emotions, letting them build and bubble over: sin. Wherever I look, sin is crouching at my door. 

A pastor at our church once said, "We don't get over our sin by constantly looking at our sin, we get over it by looking at the work of Jesus on the cross." This sounds really good, but if we don't make the cross both deeply personal and deeply practical, it can be difficult to see the ramifications of the work of Jesus in all the small places where sin reigns supreme in our lives. We can apply the gospel to the Big Sins, but overlook its power over the "little foxes that ruin the vineyards" (SoS 2:15).

Nate and I have been talking about some work God did in us as singles and now as a married couple, ways we have recognized the power of sin to creep in and the ways it has ruled us (and still does in so many ways), and exercises we do to press back and bounce our eyes to the cross. These are not grand theological gestures, they are small things designed to teach us restraint, remind us to submit, to fear God, of the bounty of God, and of the joy found completely in him. 

Over the next few weeks I'll be doing a series of posts on seven ways we try to rule over the crouching presence of sin in our home. I'll expound on our methods for engaging the gospel in these areas of our lives, the ways we fail, and our hope for the Church more and more. 

None of these things are done perfectly. In none of these areas have we arrived. And in every one of these areas we are prone to wander, to fail, and to forget. One of the best blessings of the gospel, I think, is the fact that it never changes. When I fail, forget, and wander—the cross and the empty tomb never change. The point is not to do these things perfectly, but to actually let the imperfection of my doing them remind me of how much I need Jesus every single day. We fail often and regularly at all of these, but: 

1. We choose reading, writing, and talking instead of screen-time in order to engage and flourish as flesh and blood humans. 

2. We practice not a work/life balance, but a work/rest model in order to see God as our Creator, Redeemer, and Joy. 

3. We eat whole foods, in-season, and locally if possible, in order to care for our bodies and the earth well. 

4. We practice hospitality not as an event or social engagement, but as a way to sacrifice ourselves, our time, and our energy, for the flourishing of others.

5. We choose the way of peace instead of violence and listening over making ourselves heard, as a way to remind ourselves we are not omnipotent, omnipresent, or omniscient. 

6.  We eat meals together in order to press back against the culture of busy, quick, fast, and convenient. 

7. We endeavor to live using restraint in our finances, not so we can build bigger savings accounts or retirement funds, but so we can serve others more freely today.

I often get questions about the way we practice Sabbath as New Testament Christians or why we choose to have a young man living with us or what made us decide to not have a television, and more, and my hope is that in writing more on these specific intents, I will be able to answer those questions more fully. None of these things are without theological purpose and very real—sometimes painful—sacrifice. That's on purpose. Not because we're masochists, but because we're Christians living in a hostile-to-the-way-of-Jesus-environment. It's never been easier, more convenient to not carry the cross and follow Him. So how, in 2017, in the suburbs, without children, with paying jobs, with every gadget available to us, do we say, "No, sin, you will not rule over us. We're already the children of a King." 

The series will be tagged: Seven Ways so if you're looking for the whole thing at some point, just click on that tag at the bottom of the page. 

I am by nature a preservationist. I think we all are. Oh, I don't mean that we save and horde and reuse. I mean when it comes to self, I am a master preservationist.

I pretend to be all open and honest, living life bare in front of you, and perhaps I have succeed in my ruse only. But deep down in, I preserve.

Living a life that invites is a challenge for me because...

Read the rest of this entry over at The Organic Bird.

Part I: On Reputations
Part II: On Small Talk and Public Hiding
Part III: The Open Door Policy

God doesn't do small talk.

He doesn't get around to the deep subjects eventually and He doesn't skirt around difficult issues. God always goes after the heart.

Sometimes it doesn't seem like this, like when He asked Adam where He was in the garden. "Adam, where are you?" (As though He didn't already know...) But in the heart of that question, He was holding a mirror to the deepest inclination of the natural man: to hide.

...continue reading over at The Organic Bird

Part I: On Reputations and the People We Pretend to Be:
Andrea Levendusky from The Organic Bird

"So, what brought you to Texas?"

This was the question that would send nerves in my knees shuddering into my throat. A harmless one, on the surface. But the kick of the anthill to my soul.

Inevitably, this was the first thing most people would ask me when I moved to Texas. When I ran from God. When I indulged in sin and found myself in a "foreign land". This question haunted me as I walked a long road, found redemption, and started the beautiful journey of restoration. At first, I didn't want people to know my "stuff" because it might mean they wouldn't accept me. And even after restoration, I was scared if people knew, they wouldn't accept me.

The question would come, I'd dodge it and internally want to shout, "I am not a colossal failure at life!" Questions in community come quickly — and if a girl is going to save face, she better be on her toes with quick and witty answers. Because saving face is what it's about...right?

*crickets*

I used to, and sometimes still, do this a lot. To old friends. Family. Strangers. New friends. My pastor's wife.

Something in me wants to defend my reputation, salvage what's left of her feeble frame. Prop her up with words and excuses, stories and claims. Dress up her skeleton and hide her macabre cry. Make her look less like what she actually is — me without Christ.

Here's the thing — in order for any of us to have the kind of relationships that actually serve their purpose (to build up, encourage, exhort), we're going to have to stop trying to preserve our reputation.

You are not better than me. I am not better than you.

I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with friends where I would say, "There is nothing you can tell me that will shock me." Because I had been there? Not necessarily, but maybe. Because I was ok with their sin? Nope, but Christ died for the sick, not the healthy.

But because we are all broken skeletons walking straight to the grave without Christ. No propping up or vain accolades needed.

Let's just be honest.

We all equally, desperately need Jesus. The thing that separates us from God is not how much sin we have committed. It's the existence of it. One stain separates us from him entirely. Christ's death covers us fully.

The most powerful, life-changing moments inside of a healthy community have been when people finally stop trying to impress everyone, or protect themselves. When those things stop, something real happens. We allow room for honesty. For love. Rivalry and conceit scatter into the shadows as humility and grace rush in. We allow truth to bleed, someone grabs a bandage, someone grabs the water and next thing you know, true community is turning from bone to flesh.

And that reputation you so desperately wanted to preserve? Let those bones crumble. Let Christ be what you're known for.

Almost ten years ago, in a small upstate New York town, on a cold snowy night, I met a girl in a green woolen hat.

As with any kindred soul you meet, you might not know upon meeting that they will change your life, and so I didn't then. Though the details are many, change my life she did. And she continues to. I am forever grateful for her, for the simple community we have in just each other, how she has taught me about redemption and faith and grace. How she sharpens me and soothes me and strengthens me. I'm so grateful to share Andrea Levendusky with you over the next week or so and I hope you'll meander on over to her blog as well to read the other half of this series!

Lo: When did you feel a real birthing in your heart for community?

Andrea: I can't say I've always really loved people. Community wasn't something we really experienced growing up, in a real, cross-centered way. In fact, I didn't really come to appreciate the value of community until I moved to Texas about 7 years ago. At first, I blamed the lure of it on southern hospitality. The believers I began to meet were so incredibly gentle, broken, honest and took me in like a long-lost friend. I started spending time with people who were so contagiously authentic and real. It was then I realized how amazing and dangerous (in a good way) community can be.

Lo: What have been the greatest challenges for you as you pursue community?

Andrea: Oh man. I have a long list for this one. First would probably be my pride. Community requires a certain level of discomfort. We, as people, so commonly want to put "the best foot forward." But a healthy community really requires that you don't do that. The goal is that God be glorified, not us. That the story of the cross be the pinnacle, not our own stories. That Christ is the hero, not myself. I still to this day find myself in situations where I want to defend my reputation. That might fly in casual relationships, but not with the people who I'm walking in life with. So secondly, would be embracing humility :) Tim Keller said "Humility is so shy. If you begin talking about it, it leaves." So see? I'm even failing now. *sigh*

Lo: What are a few good ideas to give our readers as they seek community?

Andrea: I would just start by saying that the best thing anyone can do is recognize that in Christ, we are all on the same page. You're good. You're covered. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. So that goes both ways. You don't need to be embarrassed about your past, and no one can boast in anything but the finished work of Christ.

Lo: What advice can you give someone who tends to be shy about finding or being community?

Andrea: This is hard, because the truth is, communities vary in character and language. So, I'll tell you this — there's a good chance it's going to take a few misses before you really find a community that you feel at home in. AND even then, that community might change in a matter of months. I would say, find a friend you trust or just one name of someone you can link an arm with, and start there. You don't need to be everyone's best friend. Even among Jesus' disciples, we hear about some a lot more than others. But they were all there, together. That's the key. God will give you grace, even to be bold.

Lo: How do you feel that the gospel is more clearly displayed when you live life in community?

Andrea: I think about some of the people I would consider a part of my "community." We have given each other a mutual responsibility to build one another up. To call each other out on sin when we're hiding it. Have those awkward conversations. To love unconditionally, by grace. To help keep our hearts soft before the Lord. To pray. Bear burdens. Celebrate. To lift each other's eyes back to the cross. Without them, I am prone to drop my vision back to myself and lose direction entirely. My community plays an active role in my "working out my salvation".

Lo: As you parent Maddie, what are some areas concerning community where you feel like you might be living contrary to normal standards for society?

Andrea: I always tell people that community is one of the most beautiful, inconvenient things you'll ever do. Sometimes, community supersedes my own wishes. Doorbells ringing at midnight. Empty fridge. Long phone calls. I always want my daughter to see that we are not living life just for ourselves. I think there is a large percentage of parents who want to control what their kids see, hear, etc. And for the most part, I agree with them. But when it comes to community, I have an opportunity to show my daughter, safely, that people are hurting. I don't want her growing up "shocked" at the state of the world and human brokenness. I don't want her hoarding her things. I pray for her salvation, and hope that she will see, with my arms around her, that everyone is in desperate need of Christ, including us.

Check back over the next 12 days as Andrea and I share about what living a gospel-centered community looks like in our lives, some practical tips, some stories, or just general encouragement to be living lives that communicate grace and life to others! And pop on over to her blog to see my answers to her intro questions.

Living Single

Today I want to unpack a little more what I meant when I said yesterday, "Do not limit yourself to work minimum wage jobs 'waiting on the Lord to bring the man of your dreams.' What are your dreams for today? What is God putting in your heart today? Do that! Pursue that wildly and confidently." I think about this a lot because I have spent a very good portion of my life "saving myself and preparing myself" for marriage. This is not to say that I sat home making potholders and pining away for all the ways in which I could be a good wife and mother. No. I mean to say that I wrote lists of what I wanted in a husband when I was 15 and was disappointed to find that at age 19, there were still no prospects around. By age 24, I'd given up hope of being married and just decided to pursue a life of radical singleness, which, for me, meant I spent a lot of years yearning for contentment in the way I understood it at that point.

I got my college degree (two in fact!), spent a chuck of life in Central America, traveled a lot, budgeted to the penny, served my church, tried desperately to be the sort of undistracted single person that Paul says is possible. I describe those years of my life as years with blinders on. I was determined to keep myself undistracted from the siren call of marriage and motherhood.

When my pastor preached a sermon including a biblical definition of contentment, I felt that my world was about to be radically changed and the old radical was nothing more a wannabe. He described contentment like this: Doing what you're able to do with what you have available to do it. Until that point, blinders on, I'd just done what I was able to do. Just put my hand to the plow, kept my eyes on the goal (being undistracted), determined, resolute. After that definition I realized that though I was doing what I thought I was able to do, I was not using all of what was available to me!

Unpacking that first statement above, I want to talk about what we single women tend to say and the way in which we can tend to walk. Here's what we ask often: How can we do everything that we want to do in life and not become too good for any possible prospective spouse?

First, let's look at Sarah. The Bible says she did what was right in the sight of the Lord without any fear. In the same way we do the right thing without fear that we're shortchanging or outdoing what God has planned for us. That is our radical calling! To find a woman who is living a life free from fear is to find a happy, content, vibrant woman. She is radical in the sense that she is a rarity. This is undistractedness according to Paul (I Corinthians 7)!

Second, instead of thinking of all the ways you're limiting the pool of men who won't be scared off by your wisdom, knowledge, and college degrees, instead think of the limitless God you are serving. Do not pursue wisdom for the sake of wisdom, pursue it for the sake of the gospel. In the same way, do not continue in ignorance, skirting issues and feigning stupidity, because you are afraid that a guy won't be attracted to someone who equals or surpasses him intellectually. The gospel has the power to change us and we should never limit the ways in which it will change us. Desire after wisdom. Dig deeply for it.

Thirdly, in a practical sense, it is tempting to do one of two things,

1. Gather everything you think you will need for the rest of your life so that you can live a comfortable, middle class American lifestyle (career, house, dog, car, savings account, etc.) as a single person

or

2. Put off everything you want in life in hopes of a marriage someday (dishes, home, job, etc.).

In the first you are over-prepared for the life you now lead, single and unattached! Let yourself be unattached! Untie yourself from the pride of life that says if you do not have these things you are unstable and uncared-for. Live risky and flexible, and let the Lord surprise you in the ways in which He will provide for you.

In the second, you are placing your hope so securely in marriage that you are missing the opportunity to serve and practice hospitality today. Visit a thrift store and buy some plates. Make whatever place you inhabit a home, inviting and warm. Are you working a job you hate in hopes that someday you'll be rescued by a customer who turns out to be the man of your dreams? No. Search your heart and find out what desires you have that can be fulfilled today and then walk through every open door in your path until a door closes.

Too often we all are too concerned that we are going to fudge this master plan of God's if we misstep or take a risk, but God is so sovereign and so good. He isn't waiting for you to walk through the wrong door so he can slap your wrist and send you right back out of it. All things work together for good for those who love God.

So love God! Love Him and love what He's doing in your life today! Instead of being so preoccupied with lining your ducks up, prepare yourself for the surprise of His love toward you in unexpected places and ways.

_________________________

Want to share this on Twitter or Facebook? Consider using this copy: Are you waiting for marriage to begin living? Thoughts on singleness for the long haul by @loreferguson http://bit.ly/zYo1WC

While we're on the subject of controversial thoughts on gender roles and other things that upset the fruit basket, I want to talk about something that might hit a nerve today (whether you're a guy or a girl).

The comments on that Wall Street Journal to which I linked the other day contained some telling commentary on the reasons that some very good men may not step up to the plate (and not only concerning marriage, I think this is applicable in many areas, with many people). "Why should we," one comment read "step up, when we know that [women] can buy their own house, have children through other methods, provide, and fill all the needs you say you want men to fill?"

While I don't agree that simply because one person went beyond the bounds that scripture lovingly places on us (Psalm 16), another person ought to shrug their shoulders and abdicate, I hear the angst in this man's comment. Even the guys who want to be a husband and a provider feel unnecessary on the trajectory of a woman's life! I think this raises two points that may seem contradictory, but I believe if lived out in gospel centrality, will result in a kingdom life.

1. Because of the age of many singles these days, individuals are forced to be the primary breadwinner in their "family" units like never before in history. While this may look different for some singles, ultimately the cost of living falls primarily on their own shoulders. As single women in particular this can feel very counter-intuitive to the created order: we know we are built to be nurturers and home-makers. (And by home-maker I don't mean that if you are not at home full time, you are not still making a home wherever you are. We do this naturally.) God calls it a Helper and I love that--I am created to help!

But because of my age and station, a single young woman on my own for a decade, I am in a situation where feeling like a nurturer and helper feels beyond my control. Who am I helping? It feels sometimes like the only person I'm helping is myself! I pay my bills, make my own food, drive my own car, etc. I'm not sharing this burden and no one is sharing it with me. This can cause resentment to grow in my heart as I might feel that the most (literally) fruitful years of my life are being wasted. I hear this time and time again from my peers, "Why would God create me to desire this and leave me feeling incomplete?"

I want to draw you back to Genesis again, the original mandate on man and women was not to be fruitful and multiply, but rather an implied mandate, spoken by God to God: Let us make man in our image. Your primary role is to reflect God. So when you cast blame for what you feel is a misguided calling on your life, please remember that first and foremost we are called to be image bearers. The delight of this is that as image bearers we are also helpers and nurturers and providers and all these things that God is innately.

He didn't mess up when he made you--he made you perfectly designed to reflect all of who he is. And in your singleness you are not gypped of that whole calling; it is there, in your life somewhere. Find it. Find the areas where you can bear that image and fulfill the whole calling of God.

2. The second point is directed toward the Church. In the uprising of secular feminism, there was an unfortunate drop of femininity and the Church did not remain unscathed from that blight. I am not making excuses for any identity crises that a single woman may deal with, but one of the difficult things about having to embrace the side of feminism that has us working and providing for ourselves, is that it becomes more and more difficult to feel feminine. This might be due to the lack of a man who appreciates the natural beauty of every woman, it might be due to a prolonged season in which we feel unappreciated, etc. I don't know exactly. I know that married women who do get to fulfill the calling of a woman in a more practical and tangible way may feel this as well, but I don't think we can deny that for a single woman, the cost of femininity is a bit higher.

Church, you are a bride! You know intrinsically what it feels like to feel under-appreciated and unloved, unbeautiful and overworked. Surely if there is anything we can understand as a body, it is the angst of a bride whose groom has not yet come to take her away! So I challenge you, Church, to step in and be the fathers and brothers, mothers and sisters, to single women. I'm not only talking of car issues and home maintenance issues, I'm talking about valuing and appreciating the unique calling on every woman's life to be a woman and a nurturer (as well as an image bearer).

Men, do not think for one minute that simply because we single women may "have it all" in terms of living in American culture, that we are not still lacking in your unique ability to be a guard and hero, a rescuer and fixer! Do not be afraid to bear the image of God to the single women in your life, afraid that she will suppose there is something behind your actions (A proposal must be in the works because you walked her out to her car once!). Women struggle with the hope of something more all the time, the fix for that is not to abdicate, but to show her what a true man is and does so that her standards are raised and not limited to crushing on every guy who does something kind for her. Get your hands dirty on her behalf!

Women, do not think for one minute that God is unable to fill that position in your life through the body of Christ. Do not begrudge the care of the Church and her desire to guard your femininity while the world is trying so desperately to wrestle it from you. Not every man is showing kindness to you because he is in love with you--appreciate his efforts to be an image bearer as well, without placing your hope for a future with him based on his simple kindness. Do not limit yourself to work minimum wage jobs "waiting on the Lord to bring the man of your dreams." What are your dreams for today? What is God putting in your heart today? Do that! Pursue that wildly and confidently. His word does not return void!

Finally, we live in a broken world and we are broken people and we are doing broken things to fix broken things. Pursue the Lord. What is He calling you to do today? How can you best reflect Him today? Pursue His kingdom radically and with your whole heart, receive His word and the Holy Spirit, serve and be served, show grace and receive grace.

day nine of 30 day challenge put down by one Jason Alan Churchill Thorburne Morris.

I knew the challenge would come and sure enough, my phone buzzed at 6am with the question: when are you going to write one of these for the girls?

I'm never one to back down from a challenge, even though I feel like my life is spent on encouraging women to come up higher, both in their estimation of men and in the embracing of their femininity without the blessing of a man around to appreciate it, so here goes:

I am a woman and I am single, so this qualifies me to write without caveat, but I'll give this one anyway: what I write here is learned through many years of loneliness, crashed expectations, the Bible, broken relationships and people watching. Please don't assume that I have arrived in victory in this area or that I do not struggle--singleness can be a lonely, lonely existence and it can also be a sweet, sweet opportunity. Marriage has many difficulties as well and I am not blind to the loneliness which can exist in marriage, but please don't assume that the difficulties are the same. They are uniquely different because the ministry is uniquely different. This is a blessing.

Because I am a complementarian I will always take the view that men and women are created equal, but distinct. The Bible is clear on this subject and it is a huge comfort to me that, as a woman, I will always be in submission and that I have the opportunity to give men the respect that God designs them to have. I don't begrudge them this: their burden is a heavier one to carry. In the same way, though, being a complementarian means I also take a step back in circumstances where other women might move forward. So what you're going to read here is my challenge to women who subscribe to that view of Biblical gender roles; if you know you're going to take issue with that, this might not be the post for you.

One commenter privately emailed me and asked this question: how can you expect the good men to rise up when all the women available make it easy for them to stay as they are?

And what I have to say to that is three-fold:

1. All the women available aren't making it easy, as evidenced by more than 90% of the conversations I have with frustrated single women about this subject. If you're a great guy and you want me to set you up with a great woman, ask me. I'll do it gladly. I know some all over the country.

2. Women, are you making it easy? If you are, stop. Please, for the sake of your brothers in Christ who are accosted by every advertisement and opportunity as it is, for the sake of your sisters who have guarded their purity, for the sake of yourselves, but mostly and most certainly for the sake of the gospel, stop making it easy. JR Vasser said last night in his sermon at my church, "Show the world what a covenantal God looks like by being a covenantal people."

The greatest testimony of God's goodness you can be as a woman is to reflect His goodness in His design of you! It is a perfect design, it does not need enhancement or surgery, it does not need hordes of new clothing, it does not need an immodest spirit to reflect His goodness. He made you this way on purpose. He made you to delight in the attention of a man, yes, but He made you in His image first and that is your first mandate. Before "be fruitful and multiply," before He gave you to man as a helpmeet, He created the imago dei. The Image of God.

He created you. Designed you. Purposed and intended you.

Don't throw that away on pocket change relationships where you'll leave broken-hearted and he'll leave with one more notch on his belt of conquests.

3. Women, are you not making it easy enough? Ah, you think I'm taking back my former point, I'm not. What I'm saying here is that we have no idea the influence a woman has over a man and what a risk it is for a godly and sincere man to initiate a relationship. Men were designed to initiate and we were created to respond, but the fall messed things up! As one commenter said: "The Genesis curse on men wasn't that they'd have to work it's that they wouldn't have the desire. That is to say, the curse was more intrinsically a predisposition towards laziness." And no woman in her right mind would tell you that we don't battle the "take charge because ain't nobody else" attitude. How is it that we are both hardwired to respond and hardwired to initiate?

It's the fall. But it's not the design. And when I think of this, I think of what a gracious God He is, to give us a physical and theological framework within which we can work out the effects of the fall. Battle that inclination in you to take charge, rush the process and take dominion.

When that process unfolds, whether you return the affections or not, be gentle, be kind, respond with faith and encouragement toward a man who takes a risk. Not because you want to marry him necessarily, but because he will someday be someone's husband and the scars of your disrespect will be hard to heal. If you know the guy to be a good man, be approachable, be a risk-taker, give the benefit of the doubt several times over, don't dismiss him on his clothing choices or his stammering jokes--as much as you battle the inclination to be in control, he battles the inclination to back down.

Encourage the men in your life, don't play favorites with the good-looking ones or the rich ones, the single ones or the adventurous ones. Of course you're going to find organic friendship with certain people, but don't suppose for one minute that your true colors won't shine through when you're giving the cold shoulder to nine guys and doe eyes to one. Give the nice guys a chance. Everyone says that, I know, but give them a chance. Some of the best guys I know are bespectacled and slight, a bit shy and awkward.

One last point:

If you are a single woman with no present prospects for marriage and you're reading this thinking "Ha! I wish I could be easy! Or I wish I had the opportunity to practice responding that way!" Stop. Look at the opportunities you have within the calling you walk daily. Singleness is such a unique, unique time of life, filled with the blessing of uninterrupted thought time, special ministry opportunities and more. You don't need to worry that you missed the call of God on your life or that He's forgotten you as you watch yet another friend seemingly have all her dreams come true. He has not forgotten you. He has designed and placed you in these circumstances specifically for you to display His goodness to a broken world.

Above all, reflect Christ. He showed no partiality toward us, loving us wildly and deeply, humbly and without reason. What a good, good God He is.

But where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,
so that, as sin reigned in death,
grace also might reign through righteousness
leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 9:20,21

day four of 30 day challenge put down by one Jason Alan Churchill Thorburne Morris.

The truth about me is that I am gentle, a good listener, kind, forgiving, good-natured, and a generally agreeable person. That is the truth about me that most of you see, especially on this page. But the real truth about me is that I am a deeply passionate and soulful aggressive when it comes to issues I feel are important. I think we all are. So I would like to preface this post with this little bit:

I am the sister of seven men in varying ages and stations in life. I am the daughter of a man who provided for his family. I am the friend of many, many, many good men. I have been in relationships with solid men of God who were careful with my heart and aggressive about their pursuit of me. I have been blessed to be surrounded by men my entire life who embrace the call of God on their lives to varying degrees, but mostly do it well and with great courage.

I don't know this man, but he looks nice. Well, his beard looks nice.

It is difficult to be a man these days. I am not unaware of the ploys that assault their manhood, their leadership, their provision, their callings and their self-respect. I am acutely aware of this, perhaps because I never had a sister, only many brothers. Perhaps because, growing up, their friends were my friends and while other little girls were indulging in the latest Barbie trend, I was part of the HeMan Woman Haters Club that met behind one of the boulders in our backyard. I was an honorary member and always instructed to turn my back when they had peeing contests, but I was still there.

I'm telling you all of this because I want you to know that I am not a raving feminist, nor do I have an ax to grind when it comes to challenging men to take their role. I respect men. I do. I think they're great. I think they're magnificent creatures with muscles and hairy faces and oil-changing abilities and the uncanny ability to walk in the room and send my heart into my throat. Yes. I am fascinated by men!

(Especially when they wear caps like this.)

That said,

Where have the good men gone?

This is the question that Kay Hymowitz asks in a recent article (gone viral in my circle of friends) in the Wall Street Journal. And I'd like to echo that question and perhaps ask it of you, my readers and friends.

I don't ask it under the assumption that you are not good men or that you have abdicated (for all I know, I have no male readers and I'm sending this question out into a void), I ask it in real puzzlement. I ask it after countless conversations with beautiful, godly, heartfelt, sincere, beautiful women who are single into their late twenties and now into their late thirties ask me: where have all the good men gone? And if you push me (not even too hard, I'm blessed in that respect), I will point out many, many good men who are still available. But I remain old-fashioned enough to believe that the man ought to make the first move, so all my pointing out will do is increase these women's discontent by the availability of good men who still aren't pursuing.

I truly, honestly believe that if you are single today, then you are called to singleness today. And I do believe that some are called to singleness for life, either with the knowledge that that is their calling, or the knowledge at the end of their life that that was their calling. But I do not believe it is the call of every man to singleness, nor the call of every woman.

So I am not exactly asking the question, "where have all the good men gone?" Because that is not really the question, for me. The question for me is, why are all you good men letting these amazing women grow old, childless, husbandless and feeling like the mandate to "be fruitful and multiply" will forever be beyond their grasp?

(Again, let me say, there is no ax to grind here. I am actually a very content unmarried person. I have an amazingly hospitable home, plenty of joy, excitement about my calling as a single person each day. This is not to say that there is not within me a deep, deep desire to be a wife, to submit to and respect a husband and raise children with him, but I am fully aware and excited to be doing what I am doing each and every day as an unmarried person.)

This is to say: rise up, men of God. Good men, godly men that I know! Rise up, take your place as a worshiper, a leader, a friend of God, a friend of the poor, and/or a teacher of the word.

Rise up, men of God, don't just be chivalrous (though thank you for your chivalry), be a pursuant. Chivalry is a beautiful thing, but it can become a passive thing when your role is to take leadership and pursue with passion and drive.

Do not get your fill of a woman's unique ability to be an emotional support and then leave her wasted and empty while you coast on her encouragement.

Rise up and begin living your passions and dreams, and be brave enough to include a woman in that picture--your strength will not be depleted by the right woman, it will be magnified (ask any successfully married couple, it's true!).

Stop wasting the best and most fruitful years of your life on video games and movies, spend it the way Christ spent on you: lavishly and selflessly.

I wish I could list all the men who are running through my mind as I write this, because I write it to you. You strong men of God, you mighty men of valor and you cohorts in the faith. I write it to you with the hope that you are wrecked in your soul of this world and that you are drawn to women who are representations of God and God alone, not a perfect body or an airbrushed face.

I write it with the hope that you are standing in the back of the room, jumping up and down, when that question is asked: where have all the good men gone? You are standing there with your arm raised high and your voice standing apart: Here I am, I'm here!

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh
and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions
is not from the Father but is from the world.
I John 2:16

day three of 30 day challenge put down by one Jason Alan Churchill Thorburne Morris (who is also one of the best men of God I know, so this doesn't apply to him, unless he wants it to).