a COFFEE DATE

in ,

Pretend with me for a minute. We've finally decided to make this happen, meet face to face, you've been reading my blog, I've been reading yours. We feel like friends. We're Facebook friends. Our friends think we're friends. So let's just be friends.

We're at a cool, independent coffee shop. We going to be transparent and honest and authentic, or whatever the hip kids are calling it these days. I'm wearing my favorite pair of jeans, you're wearing your favorite t-shirt. We're just going to talk. And drink coffee. But talk, mostly.

We exchange a few little introductions, banter about innocuous coincidences, laugh at things that may or may not be funny or ironic or kindred.

But brimming beneath both of our surfaces we are filled with so many things to say.

I want to tell you so many things about me and about who you think I am and who I'm not. I want to tell you that I'm not big-time or out of your league or too cool. But I also desperately want you to know that I'm something and I'm worth your time and I'm a cool kid too.

I want you to know that I've done awesome things in my life and I also want you to know that I feel like I've done nothing with my life. I want to say that despite the past two years and the life which has been breathed into me, I am terrified almost constantly that the honeymoon is over and it's all downhill from here.

I want to tell you that I want to matter to someone, and I'm okay if that someone is you, but I want to know that I matter to that someone and so you might need to tell me that I do. I might need to hear that from you. But know this, I'm willing to go out on a limb and not look a gift horse in the mouth in order to say the same thing to you.

I want you to matter to me.

And then I'll take a deep breath, take a sip of coffee, one sugar, a bit of cream, and I'll wait for you to tell me everything you need to say too.

PS. To all of you blog readers who I've met in real life 
or who I will meet in real life: this isn't about you, I promise. 
Except it is about you, I promise.