The good thing about growing up is that you always have more hindsight today than yesterday. This can either be cause for fear and disappointment or it can be cause for preparation of the heart and hands. There have been times when I have wept in passenger's seats, seeing only the fear and disappointment, times where I have sat on the perimeter of gardens, while others tended and I only watched life form beneath their working hands. There have been other times when I have walked forward knowing that I will be disappointed and that possibility doesn't scare me. This is what I'm talking about when I say growing up is good.

I don't say that it's easy. Just that it's good.

This is what I'm learning: Isaiah 50:4 says "He awakes my ear to hear as a disciple." Out of our slumber, our weak faith, or fear, He awakes us, but doesn't just startle us alert. He makes our ear to hear. There is a difference, I am finding, between the awakening and the hearing.

In the spirit of authenticity I have spent my time calling things as they are, dwelling in fear and disappointment. It is better to be honest, I say, than to be blind. Yes. But it is better to hear than to be only coherent.

I don't know what it is I'm hearing lately. I haven't gotten that far yet, still just trying to tune my ear to hear His grace. To awake with the ear of a disciple, ready to learn and glean and give fruit that produces in its season.