Love is/Love is Not and the Mushy Middle
A few weeks ago a friend and I were talking through a difficult issue the Church faces today. The Church has always faced difficult issues throughout history so the ones we encounter today may have different faces or stories around them, but navigating the waters of culture, the allure of the tempter, and shortcuts to redemption will always be a part of what it means to be a Christ-follower. “In this world you will have trouble,” Jesus said. “Don’t be surprised when you suffer,” the Apostle Paul said. We’ve been warned and now the work of the Christian is to walk in love and peace as much as it depends on us.
The particular issue my friend and I were speaking about isn’t important to draw attention to now, but the content of our conversation has stuck to my innards since we had it. We were talking about a disagreement in which one part of the Church says “No, this doesn’t honor God.” and one part of the Church says “Yes, this does honor God.” I was saying that between the no and yes, there is, I think, the largest part of the Church which says, “I’m not sure but I want to honor God.” I called it the “mushy middle.” This is where I am on this particular issue. (Stop trying to guess, it really doesn’t matter for the purposes of this piece and probably isn’t what you think it is.) In fact, this mushy middle is where I increasingly am on many issues. The older I get, the more complex the world seems and the greater the need is for nuance and care around all our words.
“But,” my friend supposed aloud, “As you’re on your journey toward one side or the other…” She continued with a statement we had to sort out between the two of us. It was a civil, kind, loving conversation, and even though we disagree, we still love one another deeply. But, what I want to write about today is the belief that we in that mushy middle are on a journey toward one side or another because I think that’s what this generation of Christians uniquely faces—meaning you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
The American church and American culture presently have little patience for those in the mushy middle. Cancel culture is quick. Taking offense is even quicker. Small missteps or mistakes in the effort to do better are enough to unfollow someone on social media—and don’t be mistaken, the habits we cultivate online are happening in our actual lives too. If we cultivate a pattern of unfollowing or muting online, it is likely we have already or are cultivating a habit of ignoring, stifling, or silencing offline too. We have little patience for those who are one one side of an issue and the journey it takes them to begin to wade into the gray and mushy middle. We are disinterested in the long, painful work of what a journey or process is, and more interested in banner-people for our particular cause. We reward those who take firm positions on either side with either spokesmanship or martyrdom—either one is a badge they’ll gladly take.
But the journey of the Christ follower is essentially one of faith—that is, walking upon wobbly water or taking steps into the unknown or trusting God to open doors and make ways. And the tools of the journey are essentially tools of love—read I Corinthians 13 in the MSG version for a real kick in the pants. And the perspective of the Christian is primarily one of hope—that is to be anchored in Christ more than a cause. And all of this is really, really, really difficult to fit in a single tweet or on a protest placard or a pretty flag or even a statement of faith. The work of a Christian is to be so enamored by Christ that when we see any and all humans, we see Him and treat them accordingly—wherever they fall on the spectrum of No, Yes, or Mushy Middle.
And that’s really hard.
There’s no sweet resolution to how difficult that is. There’s a reason “mushy middle” brings to mind slime and gunk and five week old tapioca pudding. It ain’t pretty, folks. But it’s the place Christians are called to inhabit more and more, I think.
Yesterday another friend and I had a conversation where I said I used to believe that Christians would be persecuted for being firmly on the No or Yes side of whatever issue is current, but more and more, I think the suffering Jesus and Paul talk about is due to the nature of being a Christian who is motivated by, compelled by, and rooted and grounded in love more than a cause. And of course, before you protest, those on either edge of the spectrums will say love means being 100% clear all the time about every issue at hand. But when I look at how unclear the Bible is about almost everything except the love of God and the life of Christ and the dwelling of the Spirit and the love of the Christian, the more I think we cherry pick what Christian love truly is. (Seriously, go read I Corinthians 13 in the MSG again.)
Like the life of a Christian, I have no sweet resolution for this piece. My aim is to leave you feeling a bit, well, mushy. You have to go and do the work of what it means to inhabit your space with grace, peace, faith, hope, and love, and I guarantee you it will not look like my space and it probably won’t garner a movement of Instagrammable proportions.
About ten years ago I made this poster about what love is and what it’s not for those who want to dwell in the mushy, messy middle of what it means to walk by faith, with love, rooted in hope. It’s helpful for me to review it occasionally. Perhaps you’d like it too. Just click on the links below, right click, and open as a PDF if you want to print it. Here it is in grayscale, here it is in color with a white background, and here it is in in color with a black background.
