He Birthed in Me

This morning I began my day early with a sunrise kayak trip on the lake with a friend. We paddled out to the middle of the lake and just listened to the water lap against the side of the kayak. We waited and waited for the sun to show himself, but he didn't. It was cloudy and overcast the whole time. But neither of us were disappointed because it was just so good. You know? Just so lovely to be out there in the near dark, cold, quiet, together. And I thought, strange how plans fail, but beauty is always found anyway.

I meant to do a birthday post today. I really did. I even made a list of all the new additions and deliberated on who was going to have to come off in order to fit the requisite number. I tried. I did.

But instead I just got overwhelmed with what God has done in my life since 2010. Can I tell you?

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He brought me out of the miry pit.

He set my feet on a Rock of salvation.

He touched my mouth with a burning coal and I said I would go.

He put the lonely in a family. Gave me three roommates who have truly been my family in the past two years. I trust them. I love them. I know them. I am completely loved by them, trusted by them, known by them. There is no part of my life that is hidden from them, and they still love me. I never thought that would happen to me.

He has given me a job I love. A dream job. We had a visiting partner pastor from India in the office this week and as I listened to him speak and pray over us, and us over him—I thought, this is my life? Really? Then I went into a meeting with my boss where he articulated and listened and heard, and I thought, gosh, I wish everyone could work at a place like this.

He brought me to a church that stretches and grows me, challenges me and loves me well. By some miracle they love me and invited me in quickly, gave me tasks and responsibilities, and love me through the pains of shepherding and being shepherded. He brought me to a place where, as my pastor says, "There is one message every week, just out of a different text." A place where God's word is loved, His character is known, and His gospel is treasured.

He has given me friends who know and challenge me in different ways. Some sense my propensity to run and hold me back. Some know my leaning toward fear and say, nope, not walking in that. Some just sit and listen and love. Some need to be listened to and loved.

He gave me a homegroup with more than a dozen women who follow hard after Him and one another.

He gave me a home with ten tall trees—no small order in the metroplex of Dallas-Fort Worth. A home with a beautiful backyard, our own secret garden. A home with space and windows and peace.

He put women in my life who struggle with infertility. That may seem like something strange to be thankful for, but I don't know that there has been any single bigger blessing to me in my singleness than walking alongside women who are married and still waiting for something.

He put me into a Discipleship Program at my church that has demanded that I begin my days early, with the Word and others. Every morning as I drive the 30 minutes to my church in the dark, I think, "Lord, help me be faithful with this season," because it would be easy to begrudge the early mornings, the time sacrifice, the lack of quiet mornings at home alone with coffee just the way I like it. But this is good.

He has surrounded me with women who are gentle and kind, with depths of wisdom and grace. Women who are still waiting for what they want, women who have suffered deep and long, and women who find their deep joy in Christ alone.

He has surrounded me with men who are strong and wise, who I trust as friends and leaders. Men who struggle openly and transparently, who know their success is not from them, but Christ. Men who have walked in long seasons of sin and who use it as an opportunity to Praise the One who brought them out.

He gave me the month of May off to spend working on a large writing project.

He gave me the comfiest bed I've ever had—and roommates who frequent it for evening chats and hot tea together.

He birthed beautiful dreams in my heart and has given me a platform to see them unfold. I still don't know how He's doing it and sometimes it moves a bit too fast for me, but I trust Him.

Oh! I TRUST Him!

He has given me the beautiful gift of trust! If you knew me three years ago, you wouldn't believe it. I fretted. I worried. I complained. I feared. But now? I trust Him. Not because He's proven Himself faithful, but because He is faithful—even if I never see what I want to see.

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That's just the start, I think. He's done so much more and even more that I can't write about here or haven't been revealed the fullness of yet. He's a good, good God. He's faithful to His Word and to His timing. He's good in all His ways and He always, always, always is on time.

So as I begin my 32nd year, unsure of what life looks like next, I do so with full trust in Him. People and circumstances may fail me, but He never does.

He is as faithful as the sunrise, unseen and still beautifully there.