The Enemy of Good

I’m no liar so when someone asks how I am I rarely say, “Fine.” My go-to answer, though, is just as distasteful: “Busy.”

It’s been a season of life, going on a year now, where I’ve felt under the laundry pile of the life. I think to myself, “I really need to get out from under this stuff,” but the truth is I’ve hardly had three days in a row to stop and take stock of what’s keeping me busy.

This fall in particular I’m juggling four things that could be full-time jobs in themselves. And this morning I cracked a little bit.

Because I am not enough.

I cannot be a good friend, minister, writer, fiancee, blogger, thinker, designer, sister, daughter, and Christian. I pulled into my parking spot at work this morning, took a deep breath, tried to mentally prepare for another busy day at the office—and I cracked.

When I crack I don’t make a scene, I don’t cry, I don’t get angry or shout. When I crack I shut down, I slump over, I feel defeated and want to quit everything but know I never will. I’m an internal processor so when I don’t have time to internally process life, life processes me and it doesn’t go well.

Charles Spurgeon wisely said, “Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin.” And I not so wisely have turned myself into a pretzel trying to learn Latin. Not actually read Latin, of course, just do the mental equivalent of it. It takes its toll on my energy, my spiritual growth, my relationships, and my ability to do anything well.

I don’t see life slowing down anytime in the next weeks or months. In fact, I know I’m on the threshold of what could be one of the busiest or deepest growth seasons of my life. I want to be faithful with the time, to redeem it, to rest in it, to rely on the Father through it. But this is my confession—busy is the other four-letter word for me. I hate busy. It is just as much a thief of my soul as being “fine.”

I’m spending some time in the word this week specifically asking the Lord to refresh the right spirit in me, to remind me how to rest, even amidst the busyness of this next months. I’m asking Him to break the things in me that keep me running in my own strength and to restore to me the joy of simple salvation. Salvation that is not dependent on doing anything well or even doing it at all.

What refreshes you in seasons of busyness?

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

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6 responses to The Enemy of Good

  1. It’s interesting. I think what refreshes me is sleep which is hard when I’m busy. So like tonight, I’m going to bed in just a minute which is ridiculously early but I know that it will benefit my soul. I can relate to your season.

  2. Thanks for sharing. I, too, can relate!! The things that refresh my soul & stir my affections: sunrises, coffee, reading, sleep, playing with my little loves, rich conversations with my husband & sweet friends and lots of prayer. Especially that He would anchor me & I would cling to Him alone amidst the busyness.

  3. Recently I’ve been lighting a candle and then staring at it to focus my mind & prayers. It’s been very refreshing for me. Also reading fiction is one of the most restorative things I can do.

    Loved the line about being an internal processor. That’s me to a T.

  4. Brandon, reading fiction. Yes. Me too. Maybe I need to get some fiction up in my head =)

  5. I remember one time a few years ago when I was crazy busy and someone asked how I was, and I told her all the things that were going on. She just looked at me and said, “You have a rich, full life!” And that really stopped me. It made me have a different perspective. I was still just as busy, but I didn’t view it in quite the same way.

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