Real Men Don’t Text
and other stuff that doesn’t matter

October 22, 2013 — 16 Comments

My fiance asked me out for the first time on a Facebook message. Once he finally got my number, he texted me a few times with other suggestions for hanging out. Of course I turned him down every single time, though, because “Real Men Don’t Text” (and other junk I thought about real men…).

Girls, can I be straight with you for one minute? Whatever your idea of a Real Man is, it would be better for you right now to drop the man and just get real.

A real man is flesh and blood, made of dirt and the breath of God.

He was created in the image of God, made to reflect the many faceted aspects of God. He is merciful and just, he is gentle and fierce, he is strong and tender, he is like a father but he gathers his young like a mother, he is holy, he is sacrificial—these are the ways in which he reflects his Maker.

He is also made. He was created from the ground, the dust, the particles of the earth’s first rubbish. But nothing is rubbish to God and so He took something from nothing and made it good, real good. Real, tangible, touchable, malleable, fallible, but real. So real that you can stand beside him and know that all your realness, your curves, your imperfections, your flaws, your failures, are not more or less real than his. You are the same. And different. There is nothing else on earth as real as the two of you in this sense. Souls and bodies, minds and hearts.

It’s astounding.

As I learn what it means to be joined with a man, I am having to unlearn what constitutes real men and real women. In our relationship I am the internal processor, he is the verbal; I am the risk-taker, he is the solid, steady; he is romantic and nostalgic; I am no nonsense and overlook his many expressions of love. There are so many ways in which we are not what could be termed as Real Men or Real Women, but we are the realest man or woman in one another’s life right now. We are the realest expression of the image of God to one another—and also the realest mirror to our own selfishness.

The only way to be a real man or real woman is to be real in the very essence of what the word means.

Actually existing or happening. Not imaginary, not fake, false, or artificial. Important and deserving to be regarded or treated in a serious way.

You are real because you exist, you are happening. You are not fake or false or artificial. You are not wired for anything except to bring glory to your Maker—and even this is so vast and incomprehensible, how could it be contained?

You are important because you make much of the One who is Most Important.

You are a person, bearing the image of God, the Imago Dei—therefore I treat you seriously, whether or not you text first or email first or ask me out to coffee first or work from home or are a mother or a father or can bear children or will never bear children.

You are real because He took dust and bone and made you real.

Men and women, go. Be real.

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16 responses to Real Men Don’t Text
and other stuff that doesn’t matter

  1. Oh my goodness! LOVE THIS!

  2. And this is why I keep reading you, Lore. Love your honesty and insights. This is absolutely what I believe: “We are the realest expression of the image of God to one another…”

    We
    are the realest expression of the image of God to one another—and also
    the realest mirror to our own selfishness. – See more at:
    http://sayable.net/2013/10/real-men-dont-textand-other-stuff-that-doesnt-matter/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+unskewed%2FxbZU+%28Saying+it+since+2001%29#sthash.s8A6eyyt.dpuf
    We
    are the realest expression of the image of God to one another—and also
    the realest mirror to our own selfishness. – See more at:
    http://sayable.net/2013/10/real-men-dont-textand-other-stuff-that-doesnt-matter/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+unskewed%2FxbZU+%28Saying+it+since+2001%29#sthash.s8A6eyyt.dpuf
    We
    are the realest expression of the image of God to one another—and also
    the realest mirror to our own selfishness. – See more at:
    http://sayable.net/2013/10/real-men-dont-textand-other-stuff-that-doesnt-matter/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+unskewed%2FxbZU+%28Saying+it+since+2001%29#sthash.s8A6eyyt.dpuf

  3. Yup. I have been married for nine years and my husband and I ALWAYS have to reverse the men women advice for it to be of any use. Do you know how many years this shamed me?

  4. Martha @OurGypsyCamp October 22, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    So refreshing, so true.

  5. Ahhhhh….I love the grace. There is grace in this piece for me, and I am thankful. Thank you.

  6. Love this. And you, friend. That smile on your face brings one to my own. :)

  7. I love you Lore…so very much.

  8. I’m the first guy to comment, so I just want to say thanks on behalf of my gender. I got called a fag way too many times in church because I played guitar and took photos. Thank God I didn’t stop.

  9. Woohoo! Thank you.

  10. I hope this is a book in the making.

  11. I liked the beginning but then just got lost in the disjointed affirmations…

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