OIL, WATER, and the LIES we tell ourselves

I’ve got layers of lies
that I don’t even know about yet.
Sara Groves

Here’s what happened:

A friend told me something and I believed her. I do that. I’m a believing, trusting sort of person. The thing is, what she told me was only half true. Not half true to her—she told me the truth as best as she could, but it was only half of the whole truth. I didn’t know the other parties involved, so what could I do? I believed her. This is what friends do.

But the water has sunk to the bottom and the oil has risen to the top and with it all the floating particles that are still coated with enough water that I can’t look into that cup without seeing more of the whole story.

And my heart is sick.

Because her true-to-her story was only half of the story and now I know the other half, and the other half is my friend too, and when you love oil and water, even if they hate each other, what can you do? You believe them both with as much grace as you can muster. This is what good friends do.

But at some point the whole thing gets shaken up again and it takes a while for things to settle and while it’s still shaken you feel sicker and sicker still because there are always three sides to every story, hers, his, and the horrible, awful, honest truth. With a choice so divided, what can you do? You choose truth. This is what the truest friend does.

To choose truth, though, means to lose other things, namely trust.

Today trust was lost and I mourn that. I mourn it so hard and so deeply because I have been lied to, though neither of them did the lying.

I was the one lying all along. And that is the most heartbreaking of it all.

Paul admonishes the Thessalonians to “aspire to live quietly and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you.”

I’m stuck on that today because I didn’t live quietly and I listened to the lies. But the lies were of my own making and they said something like this: You are big enough to handle the heartbreaking details of someone’s life all by yourself. You are big enough to have an opinion on lives that aren’t your own. You are big enough to discern truth from lies and from opinions and cries.

The truth is that I am not a part of the problem or the solution here; I am only a particle that floated to the top of his story, coated in the residue of her story. Just one small particle.

And if God did not give me the grace to handle this (at least without some amount of bellyaching), then it is probably best for me to simply bow out.

oil and water

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5 responses to OIL, WATER, and the LIES we tell ourselves

  1. This is the PERFECT analogy for this sort of situation. Such beautiful writing, Lore. You painted a gorgeous picture, even though the picture is of something sad and frustrating. I’m sorry this happened. I can totally and absolutely relate to your role in this scenario. I have often lied to myself and claimed I had the power to be a peacemaker in situations in which I truly didn’t.

    And, that little verse from 1 Thessalonians you referenced? Yes. I think it is a little known but important one. I like your application of it here.

    I hope for God’s grace to lavishly pour into this situation, and somehow, miraculously, bring oil and water into union.

  2. Oh, I definitely know that feeling, that I’m “big enough to discern truth from lies and from opinions and cries.” It’s a temptation I’m all too quick to follow down its dangerous path.

    But I also know that choosing the truth is not always easy to do. Sometimes it just hurts, but often, in situations like this, it’s just too hard to sort out. There are loose bits of truth here and there in all of it, and it can be really hard to gather them all up into a whole you can hang on to.

  3. Sometimes I comfort myself with the reality that all things will not be in union until the new kingdom. This is reassuring in the sense that all the time I spend seeking resolution here on earth won’t be wasted, but it certainly won’t see full fruition until He comes to take His own!

    Thanks for always reading (and for passing on the link =)).

  4. I just had a long conversation with the barista in Starbucks where I am and he kept talking about bits of truth too. All I can think is God, yes! But thank you so much that the cohesive story is Yours and He’s building His church, nothing prevails against it. Thanks for reading! Can’t wait to meet you =)

  5. Words cut straight to my heart this morning as we are dealing with a relationship hurt. Tony and I have said for the last year “Our door is always open when you want to sit and truly talk together as believers” but now after were at a space of as Paul states “live in as much peace as possible,” they want to sit and talk. So many lies I do not care to swim through in the name of self preservation. I honestly want to run and hide because I don’t know how to sit and not be honest, but I know I cannot deny them the way they’ve denied us this last year. Just praying for peace, much peace, and real true honesty.
    Thank you for sharing this Lore. You always speak to where I am without even knowing it.

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